I'm from 'SWEGO

I'm from 'swego
where the water never ends
genee light
BAG-els
PEllows
"I'll do" when ordering food.



I'm from 'swego
wicked awesome
throw it out
quick like a bunny

I'm from 'swego
drinks flow at all family meetings
dead soldiers, empty bottles
bar hopping is a sport


I'm from 'swego
big little town
forks of the road
west side vs. east side
more churches and bars than people

I'm from 'swego
home sweet home

Found My Voice

Where is it?

Where did I put it?

I know it was here a minute ago!

I’ve looked everywhere.

Under my shield, into my soul,

I’ve searched my brain, and I’ve even asked friends.

I’ve asked colleagues, and my higher power,

No one can find it.

I tried to dig it up where I thought I buried it,

but it wasn’t there.

I tried to reach into the sky where it may have floated,

but it wasn’t there.

I can’t believe i lost it.

I’ve searched the computer,

I’ve looked online,

I googled and youtubed and still, nothing.

What? Why are you handing me a pen!

Is that supposed to help me find it?

Why don’ t you help me look?

What do you want me to do?

Ok, but it’s not going to work.  

It’s just a pen and paper.

It’s not magic and I won’t be able to find it there.

(one hour later)

I found it, thank you.

I have finally found my voice!

Weekend


Emotional
Old baggage infringing on the present
friendships put to sleep
seeing empty houses
mourning the past
moving "stuff"
financial beliefs challenged
relationships examined
escape into fairy tale land
wake up to moving reality
emotional all over again
One truth is known
Love is more powerful than anything else
Love is my truth
Love will keep me sane
Everything else washes away
Like a footprint in the sand

Love Letters

Dear coffee,

I love you. I love you with all of my heart. When I wake up, I think about you.  In fact, I find myself thinking about you a lot.  I have to say, I think I'm addicted to you. The rush I feel when I am with you- I'm enticed by your very smell.  I know that this love can't last. I understand it might be a momentary passion, but until it ends, I wanted to tell you I can't get enough of you.  I love you in all forms. I love you when you are hot and even when you are cold. I Love when you are strong and when you are weak. Sometimes I feel like my heart will explode when I am with you, yet I can't stay away.  Thank you for being in my life.

Love,

Me

Dear bacon,

I don't know what my life would be without you.  I still remember the first time we met.  You were so vulnerable, fresh and new.  I knew that I needed to have you.  Ever since then I can't get enough of you.  I look forward to seeing you, and I am sad when you are gone. I know others want you too, and I don't want to share  you. I want you all to myself. If I could have you everyday, that wouldn't even be enough.  I want to thank you for being in my life. I hope you will never leave me.

Love,

Me

Dear mindless iPad games,

This love letter has to remain secret.  Once you read it, you must destroy it. This is of the utmost importance.  Our love needs to remain hidden.  No one can know how much time we spend together.  I would be ashamed to have anyone know.  I'm not ashamed of you, you are fine.  In fact, you are wonderful.  You are so creative, interesting and of course, addicting.  I can't get enough of you. You seduce me at night, entice me to keep spending time with you.  However, our love needs to be kept a secret. I don't want to, but if anyone found out, I'm afraid I would need to leave you, for good.  Remember what I had to do with FarmVille?  It still hurts me today.  So for now, know that I think of you often and I love you, and that has to be enough for now.

Love,

Me

Dear margaritas,

This is a bittersweet letter.  I am sorry to do this to you in writing. I wanted to tell you in person, but it's just too hard.  Every time I'm around you, I can't keep my hands off of you.  I am so addicted to you, I can't even stand it.  Just the thought of your taste in my mouth makes me loose my mind.  I can't do this anymore, and that is what I want to tell you.  I know we have had a long relationship, spotty as it may be.  Way hotter in the summer than in the winter.  It needs to stop.  Your affect on me is too strong, and I'm afraid that I'm losing myself in your presence.  I have no control when I'm with you. I can't stop, and then I really lose control. It's not healthy for me anymore.  Know that I will always love you, and I will never forget you.  I hope that we can meet again one day, maybe soon, and your affect will have diminished and I will have my strength back, but until then, you will live in my mind.  I'm sorry. I love you.

Love,

Me

Dear hot shower,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you for being there for me every morning and every evening.  You wrap me in warmth and cleanse away my bad day.  You don't judge me, or even ask anything of me.  You always give.  Thank you for being there for me in my times of need. When I'm sad, you're there for me.  When I'm cold, you're there for me, and when I am sick and drunk, you are really there for me.  You are reliable, and wonderful. You instantly help me and keep me warm. Sure, our encounters are short, but they are amazing.  The power you have to help me feel better, clean, like a new person, it is beyond words.  I am so grateful for you, and my love for you is unconditional.  You bring me so much joy, I wish I could do something in return.  I understand you don't need much. I do offer you shiny new things every once in a while, and I wish I could do more.  So know with this letter that I loveyou and without you in my life, I would be a sad version of myself.

Love,

Me

Dear spoilers,

I want you to know how much I love you.  I want you to know that you are appreciated. I want you to know, that you add a lot to my life.  I'm sorry you may think that you are not important to me, when in fact you are.  You know that I don't like secrets. You know that I can't deal with not knowing, and you help me.  You are always there to help me understand what is going on. You don't keep any secrets from me, and I really love that about you.  You are honest as you can be, and I realize sometimes you lie, and I know that's not your fault.  You are always trying to help.  I just wanted to take the time to let you know that you add value to my life. You entertain me, you give me something to look forward to, and you complete me.  Yes, complete me.  Thank you for being you, and thank you for being there for my knowledge.

Love,

Me

Dear passion,

I wanted to let you know I've been thinking of you a lot recently. I am just writing to tell you I love you. I know I don't say it often enough. I know I don't even think it often enough. I'm sorry that I haven't treated you the way I should. I haven't allowed you to just be you. I try to constrain you or put you in a box sometimes. I try to avoid you because you can just be a lot sometimes. I realized, and I have realized recently, that you are part of me. I cannot escape you. When I try to silence you, my days are darker. I think there is a way we can be great together. I know we can find it, and I'm willing to make it work. I love you. I love how you excite me. I love the things I say through you. I love how you make me feel. I love when we are together. I know we can create great things together. I just need to get over myself and my own blocks. It's always been me not you. I'm going to work on that. So I'll say it again, I love you.

Love,

Me

Chapter 1: The Forest

Chapter 1: The forest

“Wait for me!” I yelled as I ran after my sister through the woods. She never waited for me. I kept tripping and the branches were hitting my face. Mosquitoes were attempting to have me for dinner, but I kept running. I could hear her faint voice laughing and shouting things at me like “slow poke.” She was the wild one, never listening to mom and dad. She was the one who would get in trouble, not me. So why was I running after her at dusk? She told me she had something to show me. Something I had to see for myself, she couldn’t just tell me. She said it would change my life. 

I wish it would. I guess I liked my life ok. We had a nice house, my father had a job, but the one thing I wish I could change is the death of my mother. She died when I was 12. I still remember her face the last breath that left her mouth. Laying there, quiet, still and peaceful. Knowing I will never see her smile again. Knowing I would never get notes in my lunch boxes again. All that was left of her was this cold, lifeless body, her energy gone forever.

If I was in control, if I could bend time, I would change this one event. I knew my sister felt the same way. She was only 10 when mom died, and she hasn’t been the same since. It really affected her in ways we will never know. She didn’t even speak for sometime. It has been five years since mom died and she just started to come out of her shell, and she has been terrible recently. Yelling at my father, arguing at every moment she could, about nothing really. We were both in high school now, and she was just not the same. I thought she was just up to another one of her episodes when she woke me up. She was frantic and told me I had to go with her right this second.

“I’m sleeping…” I said as I rubbed my eyes. “You need to come with me NOW!” She whispered hard in my face. “Why…” I mumbled trying to roll away from her hot breath. “Because it will change your life!” That got my attention. What was she talking about. What will ‘change my life’? And then she pleaded that she can’t go back without me and she it too scared. Then she pouted, and that always gets me. I can never say no when she puts on her pouty face. “Ok fine, give me a minute to figure myself out…”

Now we are running through the woods behind my house , my feet can’t seem to stay on the ground, and ever other step seems to meet a branch in the face or in the leg. She is sprinting faster than I ever thought she could, but something is new here, she is laughing. It was a sound I had not hear in years. It has been so long, my hears almost didn’t recognize it, my eyes were not use to seeing the picture, but my heart lept just the same. My sister was happy. Now she is sprinting faster than I have ever seen her, but she is happy. My sister is happy right now. This is the happiest I have seen her since before mom has died. She is actually making fun of me. So I keep running, and yelling to her to slow down because I’m not that graceful.

“I found it! It’s here!” I knew I was close. Panting, I saw a clearing in the trees. It was a large meadow with the trees surrounding it in a circle. The grass was tall, green and soft. The moon was shining bright and I saw my sister standing there frantically waving her arms at me. I saw what she was standing next to. This large tree in the middle of the clearing, strong and big, branches reaching up to the sky. The leaves were very green with hints of blue and yellow streaks, almost as if light was shinking through each individual leaf. Within the large knotty pine sat a tiny green wooden door. The door looked like something from the Keebler Elves house, and I chuckled to myself when I saw it. The most magnificent part was the clock. On one of the sturdiest branches hung a giant wind up clock, glimmering gold in the moonlight. It looked like my grandfather’s wine up pocket watch, but this one could not fit into any pocket watch. I would have a hard time wrapping my hands around it. It was ticking quietly, and it looked as if it had always been there.

I actually shook my head, closed and opened my eyes to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was looking at. My sister was starting at me to take in my reaction to her discovery. I was in utter disbelief at what was happening.

“How did you find this?” I asked puzzled.
“Isn’t it amazing! I was out here walking today, and I was thinking about mom, and I started to get really sad. I decided I was going to walk until I didn’t feel sad anymore, wherever and however long it took me. It felt like I was walking forever, and then I stumbled on this place! Isn’t it so wonderful?”

My mind was racing, I didn’t know which part of that I should address first. It broke my heart to see my sister upset. I so badly wanted to protect her from the world, even her own pain. I hated that mom was no longer with us, but it had really affected her. She never asked for help. Dad and I are helpless bystanders. We can’t fix anything, and we just have to watch the pain unfold, slowly. But here we are, and she is happy. Even better, she is sharing with me about her thought process and wanting to share something with me. I wanted to be supported, and I wanted to not push her away.

“How long have you been here? What lives in this tree?” I asked, trying to muster up as much excitement in my voice. Now, I wasn’t as excited right off the bat. I am realistic, I am a pragmatist. See, magic does not exist. If it did, we could have used it to stop my mother’s cancer. So even though my senses were telling me that in front of me was a giant, knotty, twisted tree, with a keelber elf door and a giant wind up watch, I still had to live in the land of reason.

I had also seen my fair share of commercials and movies that informed me that not all creatures are friendly. This was reminding me of the book Spiderwick Chronicles. Those creatures were definitly not friendly. How about the movie Gremlins? I mean the Mugwai was really cute, but if you feed him after midnight, not good. What about Jumanji, those animals were not friendly. Who know what lives in that door- I couldn’t smell anything baking so it probably was not the Keebler elves.

When she didn’t answer me, I replied with “Ok, you showed me, now can we go?” I really was ready to go. I mean, it was nice to see her happy, but that tree was really starting to freak me out. I did not have that natural curiosity most kids have. I saw things as they were, and accepted it for face value. I didn’t feel the need to find out any more, and I would be perfectly happy just knowing it was there, and going home to my snuggy bed.

“NO!” she shouted at me. “I’m not leaving, and neither are you!”

I was taken aback. What was her problem? That was rude. “Why?” I asked.

“Because it was my destiny to find this place, I know it, and it is your destiny too! Look!” She exclaimed frantically, pointing at the clock. She was really starting to freak me out. Hesitantly, I looked to where she was pointing. On the back of the clock, and I kid you not, two names were engraved in the metal. Just like my grandfather’s pocket watch, but instead of his name, it was our names that were carved in the watch. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Is that really my name? Is it really carved in this giant clock hanging from a tree that makes its own light with a keebler door? I am totally dreaming! Of course I’m dreaming, this can’t be real. I decided to pinch myself. “Ow!”

“What are you doing?” She asked me.
“This can’t be real, so I decided to pinch myself and it hurt, so I guess this means this is real.”
Then she slapped me and started to laugh. That hurt too.
“Of course it’s real” she laughed, “Why would it not be? We DESERVE this, this is OUR place.” She said, almost frantic. She started to dance around the tree and laugh. I thought she had gone mad. But it was nice to see her so happy. This is how I remembered her before mom died. She would laugh all the time, we would laugh together. Sometimes we would be laughing so hard, holding our stomachs, we would get in trouble, especially when it was in church.

“Ok, fine. It’s real, and if my eyes are not playing tricks on me, those are our names. But, what does it mean?” I asked, still not feeling entirely awake now, but my leg was still burning from where I pinched it.

“I don’t know, I just knew it was meant for us. When is the last time anything was meant for us! Oh Danielle, what does this all mean? Isn’t it exciting!” She asked just beaming at the names. I could see her face in the reflection of the clock. She was radiant, so happy, so excited. She looked five years younger, before my mom died, before grief took over her face.

Danielle. The sound of my name rang in my ears. I realized just then she had not said my name in a while. In fact, she actually hadn’t really referred to me at all recently. She had been so dark and sad and withdrawn. I forgot what her voice sounded like when she said my name. I took a deep breath and tried not to show her the tear that escaped from my eye.

“Ok,” I said now, a little calmer. “So what do we do now? Do we knock on that Keebler door or wind the clock?”
“Hmmm, I hadn’t thought about either of those things. Keebler door?” She asked.
I guess I hadn’t shared that thought of my thought process with her. I smiled and said “You know, like the cookies.”
“I got that part idiot; I just don’t think it looks like a Keebler door.” She said snarikly
Clearly that magical moment lasted a brief moment and now she was back to her her current self.
I got closer to examine the door. I was really hoping that it did not just open, not only would I probably die of a heart attack, I was not feeling super brave right now. The door was shaped like a teardrop, blue with ridges throughout. It had a tiny handle and a purple flower on the outside of the door. There was a small, bronze plaque on the door that read E.A.O.R.

“Elizabeth, what do you think this means?” I asked. She came closer, and we both squatted in front of the door. I heard something behind us, and I quickly turned around. I could have sworn I saw something moving among the trees. I scanned the treeline closely, and I saw nothing. I turned around and Elizabeth was touching the plaque and tracing the letters with her finger.
 
“E.A.O.R. I wonder what it means. Is is a name?” she asked.
“Probably would not have dots if it were a name.” I said.
She got up and smiled at me. She walked over to the clock and started to touch our names engraved in the back of the clock. Why did she have to touch everything? I had this bad feeling. She had a look in her eyes. A look I knew too well. It was a look of trouble.

She turned around so quickly I almost fell over from the abruptness.
“I think we should wind the clock.” She said with a hint of excitement in her voice.

At this point, I figured something was going to happen, something to change my life, as she promised. I just didn’t understand how much my life was going to truly change. I had no idea; this was the moment, right now. I took another long deep breath. I knew that once she had her mind set on something, it would be impossible to change it. I knew that she would do it with or without me. I would rather with me.

I resigned myself to the situation. So, I took in all of the scenery, felt the grass touch my leg, felt the ground beneath my feet. Saw how the moon reflected in my sister’s excited eyes, and felt my own cold hands as I clenched my fists in anticipation.

“Ok, wind the clock, let’s see where our adventure begins.”

I'm doing it!

I'm doing it. I'm going to write a novel for the month of November.  The working title is Adventure Through Time.  I think there is some irony in the fact that I started to write my novel on November 1st, and I have lost my voice!  I cannot speak, which makes it hard to teach, but boy, can I write! I plan on writing and finishing that novel, and then I will be in the land of editing. I will post excerpts here if you are interested, and I want to track my progress.  I have purchased a keyboard to write with my students, and I plan on writing more this afternoon with my 6th graders.  A friend of mine is doing this with her entire 7th grade classes. Maybe next year.  This year I begin with me and my computer and a goal of 50,000 words before the end of November.  Wish me luck!

Ode to Congress and the Religious Right

I get annoyed when you judge.
Surrounded by your ignorance.
I get annoyed when you lie.
What makes you better than me?
I get annoyed when you say one thing, but do another.
When you think you know everything.
When you think you can control me.
When you take away my rights.
When you make hate a hobby.
You think your connected to God?
Last time I checked, God wasn't hiring.
You see the world through tainted eyes. 
Common sense isn't in your lexicon.


I get annoyed when you discriminate.
When you make bad decisions.
When you spout untruths.
When you drone on and on.
When you argue to no avail.
I get annoyed when you think you know me.
When you make assumptions.
When you fill my air waves.
When you pollute my mail.
When your in my face.
You hate me, but you don't even know me.
You don't even think for yourself.
You hide behind posters-blogs-signs-Facebook.
You pass your hate around.


I get annoyed when you force your ideas.
When you make your own rules.
When you think rules don't apply to you.
When you think your better.
When you sit up there on your hill.
What gives you permission to speak for me?
I didn't vote for you.
Just because you have money doesn't make you smart.
You can't buy a soul.
I just got a text from God.
You're fired!