Excerpt from larger essay- Why is Jesus White? Tale of a Renegade Catholic

I had never once thought about Jesus as a teenager.  It’s amusing to think about.  I mean ,he had to have been a teenager right?  He wasn’ t just a baby and than an adult.  I also was very confused each year as a child at how we celebrated the birth and death of Jesus in the same year.  I mean, that is crazy right?  Did Jesus like music? Did he try to rebel?  Did he ever get into trouble? I started to really think about it.  How awesome would a party be with Jesus...

“Hey guys, did you bring the jug of water and that loaf of bread?”
“Yeah Jesus, we got it, now are you going to work your magic or what?”
He waves his hand over both.
“Party time boys, all the wine and bread and fish we could want!”
“Excellent Jesus, you totally rock!”

He must have been the most popular boy in his class. I mean, so many young Jewish boys must have gotten so drunk with him.  Did Jesus have any crushes?  Did he ever buckle under pressure of being God’s son?  I imagine a conversation with Joseph might be like this...

“Jesus, pick up your robe.  I know you may have been born in a manger, but this is a house, and we don’t still live with animals.”
“You can’t tell me what to do! Your not my REAL dad, JOE.  You didn’t even knock up my mother.  You are nothing to me!”
“Don’t you dare use that language with me young man. I raised you and I don’t deserve this.”
“Whatever JOE.  You have no say over me. You are not my ruler. I am your ruler! Yeah, that is what mom told me, so deal with that!” As he walks out dramatically.

I mean where is the Gospel according to Chubby, Jesus’s high school best friend?  I’m sure there are some juicy pieces in there.  Like the time Jesus was bored at school and decided to leave.  The school was of course, outside near a lake.  He needed to make a quick escape and ran across the water.  Or the time that Jesus and John thought it was funny to dunk freshman in the lake.  That would plague John later when he tried to do that again.